I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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