Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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