watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
