i was rollin on her like bob the builder
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This house was built for laser tag.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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