somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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