Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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