just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
