hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
