playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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