those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My breasts were aching with rage.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
