I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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