When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize