OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
