I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
