I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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