if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
