I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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