Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
