youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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