bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
