fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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