He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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