The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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