just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
