she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
