Pappa wants mamma naked
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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