she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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