There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
