The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize