She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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