i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
