So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
