Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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