somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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