none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
