I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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