OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
