Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
