HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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