why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm passing your future prison.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
