Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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