I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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