I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your penis caused this!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
