My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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