Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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