Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
