as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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