my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
