I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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