I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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