Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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