Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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