That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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