drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
