I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
