Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
