Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
