Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
