Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
