Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He kissed a someone with a penis
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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