Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
