I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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