dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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