If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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