i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
