Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
