I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
