I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
