Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
