i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
