After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
