Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
