Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
