one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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