Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
