pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
