I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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